Update from the Past Week

I have discovered Evol frozen meals.  They are organic and so good.  I have tried the ravioli ones, so good.  Also, love that Evol is love spelled backwards. 🙂

When it rains a lot I wish I was home watching a movie and drinking coffee.

Thursday April 27th: My car is broke down, guy who helped me on the side of the road thinks it’s my timing belt.

Working on a tow truck &getting it to a mechanic for tomorrow. Have someone who can pick me up once towed.Don’t know how I’m getting to work.

Friday April 28th:

I got to work Friday morning thanks to my Mama. She is awesome!

Just said goodbye to my PT Cruiser. 😭😭😭😭

18198474_961304547345137_7283625208664881230_n

My new car is pictured above. A 2014 Hyundai Elantra. The dealership I have used before.  They treated me wonderfully.  I did an application online, and looked at a couple cars in my price range.  I talked with them on the phone and they brought me the car to look at. They came back with the car and paperwork to my work.  I got a good interest rate and payments are a little more.  However I got GAP insurance and extended warranty.   Plus I pay it off in 6 years instead of 7.  In addition, they cleaned it up and gave me new tires.  I’m very happy with my car.  It drives great. Since it has a fin, I decided to name my new car Shark Bait (Nemo’s nickname from Finding Nemo).

This past weekend I went into town to do laundry and grocery shopping.  I stopped by the dealership to sign over the PT Cruiser to them. Also, I visited with my Daddy on Sunday.  It was good but I was having weird emotions and we both are going thru a lot in our day to day lives.  It was good to spend some time with him.

My body…. Weekdays: 6am: I’m so freaking tired. Weekends: 5am: Whoohoo lets party!

Monday May 1st: Panic attack in the middle of the night. I figured with everything going on it would eventually happen. I’m ok now.

Happy Beltane to those who celebrate it! Blessed be!

Yesterday Tuesday May 2: Delicious! Midnight Mint Mocha Frappicino from Starbuck’s. Tastes like thin mints.  😃

Today May 3rd: My anxiety is acting up.  It was hard to leave home without worrying.  It is hard not to feel like everything might fall apart even though there is no reason for me to feel this way.  I know in time I will feel better. After work today Mama and I have plans to walk after work.  We did this last week too.  It is always good to see her and it will be good to exercise too.

 

Adventures in Me: Life 

In addition to the dent in my car: 

Today at work I had to write on frozen fresh sausage that a company sends us every year with coworkers names on it so one of our bosses would not take them all. He commented about he didn’t know they knew that many people here and how nice it was of them. I just agreed with him. I didn’t want him to know that I did it. 

A wife of one of my bosses, same as above, came in today and wants me to type up a spreadsheet of all her Christmas cards addresses before she sends them out next week. I’m not her freaking secretary! Nor do I have time for this bs. 

I had to type up a couple letters for my main boss about a job site on going issues they are having. 

There is not knowing if I have a Christmas bonus this year. 

There is wanting to do a lot politically and feeling it is all going fast. I don’t have enough time in the day to do all I want. 

I have to start doing laundry at a laundromat again because my Daddy’s grandparents don’t want me to there anymore, well not just me. They are worried about the washer and dryer dryer going out. 

My Daddy is talking about moving to Colorado or some where better again. I can’t keep up with all his mind changes or what he wants to do. It is like a rollercoaster. I love him though. I’m not the best mentally myself. 

I’m going to be responsible for my youngest niece, she is 16 and a good kid, for a couple of days. She lives closer to me than my brother, and her mother can’t meet him with her for the holiday. So she is meeting me with her and when I go to NC, I’m taking her with me and back. Plus besides my Daddy no one has been to my place since I got it somewhat together. Very nervous! 

I haven’t been able to do much of any random acts of kindness this month. 

Money doesn’t seem to be going as far and I don’t drink gifts for everyone. 

I need to make some sugar scrubs and write holiday cards, I don’t know when I will get to it. 

Yeah I’m wound up tight right now! Stressed! Worried! Anxious! Trying to control my depression! 

Weekend Update

14264855_1410934512256395_523242610285993021_n

This past weekend was disappointing. I wasn’t able to go spend the weekend with my Daddy. His biological grandmother isn’t feeling good and it wasn’t a good weekend to be there. I do understand the situation, I’m still sad that I didn’t get to see him and not sure if I will this week.  I miss him lots!

I have done more cleaning. Though not everything I would have liked. I did get some things done that I have been needing to. However I had to try to wash some of my clothes in the sink because I couldn’t go over there and I don’t have the money for the laundromat. I have to do a few at a time because it takes all day to dry.

I have watched a bunch of movies which has been entertainment for me. Looked on some of my social sites. I was able to talk with my Daddy a bunch on Saturday. I think it made us both feel good.

Sunday morning I went to take the trash out and vacuum my car. I needed to get the baking soda up. Well I didn’t read the machine or realize that it was an air/vacuum. I used all my change on the air by accident. I went into the gas station to see about buying something to get change.  Well, the cashier gave me the change.  I didn’t ask her.  Though, I felt guilty for taking it.  Though, she said it would be to much trouble to do it the other way that I wanted.  I thanked her a lot.  I still felt bad.  Though, one side of my car now looks great on the floorboard.  This means I will need to clean my car soon and make it sparkle!

It rained a lot on Sunday.  I’m glad, we needed it.  Though, trying to watch horror movies with hot and cold cloud banging proved more frightening.  I think I jumped once ten feet.

It was a pretty exciting weekend.  Well, there wasn’t much I could do with being broke.

14317583_334723740194812_6116718597136004421_n

Bam at 4am this morning anxiety! No reason. My brain keeps trying to find a reason, and I’m like no. So now I’m just looming doom and trying to ignore the anxiety.  It is getting better but only when I’m able to not think about what I am feeling, and I’m distracted.

I might a review of some of the movies I watched later.  I hope you all are having a wonderful day!  Anything positive is possible!

The Egg by Andy Weir

The Egg

By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. TheEMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

I think this is a fascinating thought on life and death. I see it as we are all connected. I’m going to be pondering this story awhile. Very thought provoking!

Busy Weekend

This past weekend was extremely busy. In fact, leading up to this weekend was busy too. Though through the ups and downs, it was a wonderful weekend and one I’m thankful for having.

Sometimes it is good to have plans change and fall into place at the last minute. It shows that I am able to go with the flow and change better. Chaos is getting better for me to manage. I’m not freaking out when something changes.

My friends (I will call Mr & Mrs House) who I’m house and kitty sitting for came into town Thursday evening. It had been a couple months since they were able to come home. For the past two weeks I had been cleaning the house and trying to get it ready for them.

Friday evening we all went out to dinner and to see Inside Out. It was very nice and good to spend time with them. I enjoyed our conversations, the food was delicious and the movie was awesome. I was very grateful that they included me.

Though a conversation came up about them selling the house. He is currently doing a contract job with his employer that moved. He is sure after the contract is up in a couple months that they are  going to want him to take a pay cut to be hired on. He is going to have to look for a job elsewhere, unless they don’t give him a pay cut.

This all brought to my thinking about what I’m going to do about having a place to live after the house is sold. I have a place to live but it will be 45 minutes to an hour from work. I’m thankful for a place to live after the house is sold. Though I’m looking into options too. All of it is stressful and scary for me. All I want is a nice small place to live by myself that I can afford. Right now that isn’t an option.

Saturday was so early and long. Though it was full of fun too. I was up before the sun came up. It was nice and quite then. I drove to where I help another friend (I will call Mrs Tennant) vend at a type of handmade/farmers market. I have to drive very early because of the time zone difference and to get parking where I vend. She meet me there to give me a few more things to sell. She thanked me over and over for helping her out. Though I enjoyed the early morning hug the most. She has amazing wonderful energy.

I waited for the local coffee shop to open then I went inside. My car has no air conditioning and there are no funds to get it fixed, it is difficult at times when the humidity is high and/or the temperature is high. Though I’ve been managing. I got an iced coffee and a muffin. I played on my phone and Internet until it was time to set up.

It was a nice, cloud covered and breezy day. The humidity wasn’t bad. Though it kept looking like it was going to rain and there wasn’t as many people there. The wind kept knocking over everything too. I sold very little and felt bad, like I would be disappointing Mrs Tennant. I was a bit frustrated at myself.

However, I was happy that another friend (I will call Mrs Herb) came by to see me. We talked for awhile. It was good to see her and talk with her. It made me feel really good.

After vending, I went to go get my car in order for my vacation. I went to the Used Tire lot and got two used tires with good tread. Then I went to get an oil change. I was at both places for hours.

Then I went to visit a friend (Mrs Lovely) who was in town for the weekend and a friend one of her SO (Significant Other) (I will call Mr Jolly). It was very nice of them to let me spend time with them when they don’t get to see each other often. I always enjoy spending time with them both. I enjoy our conversations and just their energy in general is awesome.

We all went out to dinner and meet with Mr and Mrs House. It was very wonderful to talk, spend time and have a meal with them all.

Afterwards I headed home. I was exhausted, been up to see the sunrise and now it set. I spent some time with Mr and Mrs House at home, and went to bed early.

Sunday I spent some time with Mr and Mrs House while they were getting ready to leave. I feel frustrated and down that the only cudos for all the work on the house and cats was that I was able to keep the ants out. I got some negative feedback on the house that made me feel down because I’m doing the best I can. I felt the house was fine. Things they think are obvious, I didn’t and I can’t read minds. Though I will say this that I know Mr House is under a lot of stress with his work and he does thank me all the time in regards to the cats.

I felt sad when they had to leave. I guess I was getting used to them being there. At first it was difficult having someone there and in the house. I was just used to me being by myself.

The rest of the day I did a few errands and things around the house. Though I made myself rest. I knew there were things to do. However, I needed the rest.

I was missing my Daddy a lot by Sunday afternoon. I did get to talk with him a little that evening when he called. I just miss him so very much. Though I am managing that better too.

I’m a little disappointed in myself for eating so much bad for me food this past weekend. I didn’t calculate my calories either. Though by Sunday evening I was back on track.

Overall, it was an awesome weekend! It was really good to spend time with so many friends.