I wanted to update in more detail about the past weekend.
The yoga class I took Saturday morning was a big let down. Thankfully I didn’t pay much for the class. I almost left a couple of times. There were no poses. It was just talking and meditation. Since it was a small class too, only three other people, the teacher felt a need to get a response from everyone. I didn’t agree with her views on a few things. I did get a different point of view out of the class. I probably came across a bit chaotic and I’m sure she has her own reasoning. I was a few minutes late and almost got into a wreck on the way there. So that didn’t help either. My mind was every where too. Though, at some point it did calm down a bit. I didn’t agree with her views on that there is no evil in the world, everyone is innocent. I get what she was trying to say that we are conditioned through our upbringing to act a certain way. Though, I believe in nurture and nature as a combined psychological reasoning for people’s actions. Plus I don’t feel that everyone is ultimately good. If this makes her feel better about the world, that is great. Though, I believe realistically there is evil in the world and I confront it in myself and the world regularly to see it more for what it is. Another thing I didn’t agree with her on is that in some ways panic attacks and anxiety is our own “fault” because we are not paying attention to what is in our bodies. She even said that one can get to a point where they don’t need therapy or medication. I called her, only because she asked me about it, out on the panic attacks part and she went into a long speech about it. So, I kept my mouth shut on the rest because it was her class and I was trying to be respectful about that. Also, she wanted us to look into our darker sides and face them. I already do this and have for years. It isn’t hard for me to face my demons and darker sides of myself. I stuck through the class because I paid for it. Though, it was a waste of money and 2 hours of my life I can’t get back.
The rest of Saturday was more productive and fun. I ate lunch and did my laundry since I was in town. I know it is silly but I have one laundry mat that I’m comfortable with and will only go there. Then I ran over to Village Plains Tribal Fusion belly dancing Hafla. It was great! I got to see wonderful belly dancing and spend some time with Mama after wards. She is part of the troupe. Afterwards I combined Pokémon Go with grocery shopping. I caught a few good pokemon and go somethings I needed for the week.
Sunday I just was lazy. I didn’t want to leave the house at all. I watched Collateral Beauty. It is a very good movie and has good points to it too. The cast is amazing too. Then I watched 11 episodes of This is Us. It is a new tv series that to me is about connection (past, present and people in general). I’m enjoying watching it. I should have done more around the house or those projects I want to work on. Though, I decided not to. Just relax and there is nothing wrong with that.
As a note, my Daddy lately (for months) keeps talking about wanting to move. He wants to move to Colorado or Canada. Though, basically anywhere but here. I can understand that because AL and the south is so conservative. Though, I for the most part ignore it until it comes to politics. Also, he wants to explore more of his life and I keep forgetting he is 11 years younger than me. He wants to have his own business and make it in the world. I’m behind him and supportive. Though, it is scary and I know for awhile when he can put this in motion that I won’t see him much. I just can’t up and move because of job security and health insurance. Though, I have gotten a better control on my anxiety and able to handle not seeing him as often as I used to. Plus I decided long ago that I’m not going to hold him back. If he feels he needs to experience or do something, then he should. I shouldn’t be a reason he isn’t.
My Daddy went to visit friends this past weekend. I find it interesting/funny that every time he goes away for awhile, he is more appreciative of me. Not to say he isn’t appreciative of me, just more so when he come back. Let’s just say I’m not like normal girls/women. I don’t play games, and other things that I can’t think of right now.
His grandparents continue to bother me. Their attitude towards me has been harsher. I have been working on getting all my stuff out of their storage. I’m giving back their house key today. They are old bitter people who just have nothing to control but what they can so they do just because they can. I respect their relationship with my Daddy. I just have to be more distant which makes me sad that they are this way and I can’t be closer to them. Daddy doesn’t let it affect our relationship and I’m civil around them. I don’t hate them, I really wish I could be closer to them.
I haven’t been as political as I was a couple months ago. I can’t fix everything. I can’t do everything. To think so was driving me crazy. I’m trying to do what I can and when I can. I’m trying to work on myself and not be overwhelmed. I want change but I realize it will take time. At least it makes me happy so many people are more awake now than before.
I haven’t been exercising like I should either. I’m thinking about joining a gym that I can afford because then I would force myself to exercise more. I want to do yoga on a regular basis but doing it at home isn’t the same and I don’t do it as often as I should. I need to work on this.
Well, that is basically everything right now.