Yesterday wasn’t that great of a day for a few hours. It seems at times my Daddy and I tend to butt heads. Maybe because we are both used to doing our own thing most of the time because we live a part. I was in uncontrollable tears for awhile. I dislike when I’m not able to control my emotions. It isn’t simple to just get a hold of myself and calm down. Because the emotions flood me and I can’t get to a state of calmness. Then I become exhausted and emotionally drained. I wish it was easier for me to express my feelings without all the drama. It is like a switch comes on or goes off, and bam! Water falls and such. It hurts me more that this happens around my Daddy. Some times I think I’m difficult and could simply just do what he wants. Maybe I’m just lazy. I don’t know if there is any answer. I just don’t want this to continue to be a problem. I am sure I’m not conveying my thoughts to him and even though we are both communicating; at the time and some times we can’t see the other’s view. Something I need to work on, well when not in tears. One of the things that makes it hard is he wants to talk about it right then and doesn’t want to discuss it again later. I can understand not bringing up the past or rehashing something, but what if I don’t feel I can get my thoughts across?! He has said that the way I say things bothers him more than what I say. So, I need to be more aware of that.
Some times my brain just does want to work right. Yesterday I almost asked for black pepper on a sandwich when I meant black olives, and for the life of me for awhile I couldn’t get out black olives. I’m sure it is the meds I’m on. Though, they help me mentally and physically so I deal with the side effects. Hopefully one day I won’t have to take these meds.
In addition, it doesn’t help with my Daddy’s biological mother stormed into his room, kept yelling at him and then tries to telling me that I need to see how he acts. He is a grown man and they treat him like a child. It makes me angry. Plus the whole storming in his room triggers me. It is also one of the reasons I can’t live with him with his grandparents; and his biological parents within walking distance. They are all hateful and angry most of the time. There is a lot of chaos and negative energy in that house. For my well being, I had to move out.
I will say after the few hours of RAWR!!! the rest of the weekend has been good. I spent Saturday at home, cleaning and watching the first season of AHS Murder House again. I think it will help with the new season coming up. I drank a pot of coffee too, which was a bad idea. It made it hard for me to sleep that night. I didn’t get much sleep between the coffee and AHS. I wish I had more cleaning done, it never looks clean enough to me. I guess partly because I have seen a couple more bugs than normal in the past week. It bothers me a lot and I hope to talk to the maintenance about it. I’m not sure pest control has been out in awhile, though I do my own pest control with peppermint oil and water in a spray bottle.
Sunday I spent the morning doing my nails, watching the first season and episode of Sherlock BBC, and cleaning more of my house. Then I went to my Daddy’s.
Last night he cooked steak and mash potatoes. It was pretty good. We have cuddled, talked and spent time together. I go back home some time today. Probably after dinner. I love his cooking. I got my laundry done too. Couldn’t do much of anything because I’m so broke. I wish I could.
Daddy and I talked about maybe one day moving to Colorado. It just depends on some things around here. Though, he is getting an online work from home job. Hopefully he just decides to move to Columbus one day in the far future and we will be still close to friends and family. Though, if things don’t go a certain way, we might one day be on Colorado. I will be sad to leave friends and family. Though, it is benefits to both of us that I see would be a good choice. One for me is I personally despise the heat and don’t know how much longer I can stand it. Plus there are llamas and alpacas in Colorado! Just have to see what the future holds.
I have discovered Jamberry nails. They are heat activated strong adhesives. They last so much longer than nail polish, which only last three days on me. Though, these nails last three to four weeks. I love it! I’m hosting an online party in October. Hopefully I can make enough points to get a few different types to last me awhile. These make me feel beautiful!
Well, there isn’t much more I can think about to add at this time. I always feel I am leaving something out.