The Plunge

So it takes me awhile to show interest in someone that I’m attracted to. Generally if I don’t think the timing is right or they have no interest in me or to much on their plate then I tend to not say anything. Especially if I’m friends with the person because I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Yet I tend to want to be friends first beforehand and for awhile. Maybe it is my self defense. Keeping walls up to keep from hurting, and all the hurt I have experienced before.

A few years ago, maybe 2, I asked Ms Tennant about dating me. It was obvious she wasn’t interested in me that way.

I want another relationship but with a biological woman. Trying to find one who generally is interested in me is difficult. It has been disheartening that I’m not able to find someone interested in me but everyone thinks I’m an amazing person.

Partly it is possible because of my Daddy. He does things differently than most. People tend to read him wrong. As he puts it, he is a hard mf to like.

So roll this all up with anxiety, worry and over thinking.

Recently I found out that Sister is looking for relationship/dating. She posted on a social site about it. I have been wanting to date her in some fashion for awhile but haven’t had the nerve to ask her. Seeing the post made me think hey this might be a sign to stop being so shy about it.

After some debating and asking for suggestions, I decided to ask to talk to her Daddy. I thought it best to ask for his permission.

The conversation went well. Basically her Daddy was flattered but told me it wasn’t necessary, she sets up her own relationships. He told me it would be best to text her and talk with her that way, that it is common for her. He doesn’t know how she feels about me. They both think the world of me.

Though what has me down is towards the beginning of the conversation he mentioned that Sister doesn’t like my Daddy and her Daddy said for him my Daddy just does things differently, I could tell there was more but he was being polite.

It hurts me that people think so lowly of my Daddy. It hurts me that people can’t be okay with how he does things differently than them.

Afterwards I talked to my Daddy for awhile. He is happy and thinks I do things the hard way, but I was taught to be polite and considerate and fall back on protocol if I’m unsure. My Daddy wants me to explore a relationship with Sister. He thinks it is awesome and he is happy for me. He wants me to let them know that they don’t have to see him but maybe occasionally at public gatherings.

I like the idea of a big poly family where we all get along and hang out together. I figure that dream is squashed. I’m still trying to be friends with my Daddy’s girlfriend. She is nice. Possibly on his side I still can have that dream.

Wish me good luck! I text Sister tonight when I can give her my full attention. I’m nervous.


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